Boy, oh boy. Been a complicated year. Really thought I'd be closer to done with the novel, but I hit a long depression coupled with awful back pain, and the current draft stalled out for a few months. The back pain, thanks in large part to a "dry needling" treatment from my nurse, has subsided, and I can finally sit at my desk without injuring myself. The depression has transformed into... something else... something hard to define. The sensation on the other end of your tenth existential crisis, coupled with your first Saturn return. Freed from the conscience you've externalized, placed just behind your shoulder, and given the false name Mother, Father, God, therapist, ideology, teacher, lover, idol, mentor, "people"; still living with tremendous fear and shame, trauma, but with pockets of time every day when you act in accordance with your own spirit. And even when I'm frozen, I don't take my overbearing superego's word at face value. The world looks strange. The sidewalk is too close. I am cocooned in the invisible silks of god. My thoughts get very loud. I could sleep all day, every day, if I let myself. But, I am less disabled, and far less distressed, than I was before. So, I guess that's a win?

While depressed, I hardly wrote, but I tried to make up for it by reading as much as I could. I'll be breaking up those reviews into a few posts, to come soon.

The most important things I did as an art consumer this year were: attended a local music fest with lots of cheap/free shows (shoutout to Coastal Jazz-- great variety of artists and genres), deleted Spotify, listened and bought on Bandcamp instead (ykw helped? realizing I could stream an album on the app a couple times before I had to pay), borrowed CDs and comics from the local library, attended a local queer film fest (many fantastic films, but too many looked like they were ads for laundry detergent), got on bluesky and followed any fucked up artists I found there.

What I've realized is that, while I'm offput by gatekeep-y enthusiast dweebs and their mountains of knowledge, I love surrendering to unknown, novel, volatile art. I like noise, overwhelm, sparkling sharps. Not everything I got into fits the bill (if I included TV in these posts, I'd really be found out...), but I feel stronger now not to be intimidated by art scenes I don't already understand.

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VQFF

Seeing The People's Joker at the indie theatre down the street with a crowd of 60% trans people, 40% alt comedy fat boys-- that was a queer moviegoing experience tailor-made to please me. VQFF, however, aims to serve a much more diverse crowd, with programming for youth, seniors, cis LGBs, normies, and the odd bone thrown to freaks like me. The festival has done a commendable job making itself accessible, with subtitles on every film, online screenings for most films, some "relaxed screenings" with greater accessibility accomodations, ASL interpreters for keystone events, content warnings, and free tickets distributed to community organizations. They also had their work cut out for them in appealing to a politically diverse crowd, from radicals to liberals to... corporate sponsors.

At the opening event, Persephone Estradiol (star of two shorts in the festival, and a live performer later that evening) led a walk-out during an RBC-sponsored award presentation, with a expertly projected "Stop funding genocide!". (I didn't even know that we were protesting RBC, though I wasn't surprised they'd invested in Israeli settler-colonialism-- the Canadian BDS targets I knew of were Scotiabank and Indigo/Chapters/Coles.) Two days into the festival, RBC's ads were pulled from the pre-show trailers, I suspect due to continued pressure.

Prior to the closing presentation, Layla, a romcom and character study of Layla, a Palestinian drag queen in London (in a great performance by Bilal Hasna), the director of Out On Screen delivered a nervous, carefully worded speech about dialogue, respect, and bringing people in as opposed to locking them out. The remarks were well-crafted, and it'd be easy for anyone listening to assume that they were being agreed-with. During the Q&A afterward, director Amrou Al-Kadhi was similarly careful to avoid saying anything which might get them in trouble, and slightly nervous of the audience's energy, but they did shout out Bilal Hasna's Palestinian advocacy, and advised anyone who wanted to support the film to "keep speaking up about what's going on in Palestine, that's more important".

All in all, the festival was a bit tense, a bit uncomfortable to attend alone (as I find most queer events), with a good mix of local and international films, shorts and features, movies that should definitely get picked up and ones that will probably die on the circuit. I was heartened by the high attendance at most screenings, the diversity of the crowds, and the festival's ability to respond to challenge. Now, here's what I saw:

VQFF Features

Layla (2024)

A romcom that works its tropes into something more interesting. Layla is not rejected by their Muslim family-- they protect themself from the possibility of rejection by compartmentalizing their life. They fear and reject their family, and internalized racism is as alienating a force in their life as transphobia. It's a complex and warm portrait, and Bilal Hasna brings a tremendous sweet sadness to the role. Their love interest, Max (played by Louis Greatorex), is a white cis corporate gay, and the relationship could easily have played as pure predation and abuse. But Greatorex plays Max with an earnest, awkward humour that goes a long way to humanize the character. You can understand why Layla finds him cute, and his casual, understated racism is the more painful and real for it.

Desire Lines (2024)

A hybrid documentary and autofiction about archive fever, Lou Sullivan, bathhouse fantasies, transfag presents, pasts and futures. What I wanted was something passionate, sexy, angry and vital. But this movie is much more melancholic, languid, longing, dreamy. I've come to accept it, even though it did not cure my depression.

A Mother Apart (2024)

A documentary about Jamaican lesbian poet and single mother Staceyann Chin, and her determination to maintain a relationship with her own mother, who abandoned her as a child. It's an incredible story, and Chin is a brilliant subject with a magnetic presence. Chin and director Laurie Townshend were in attendance, and theirs was, by far, the most compelling Q&A of the festival.

Carnage for Christmas (2024)

Alice Maio Mackay is unbelievable. Prolific and shameless as grindhouse cinema or, and this might be unflattering but stay with me, community theatre, there's something liberating, communal and ephemeral about her work. It's zoomer cinema and all I want is for more movies to be like this. And maybe to let Vera Drew go a little crazier on the edit.

The Astronaut Lovers (2024)

You meet a straight boy and he starts flirting with you relentlessly, as a gag. Unless..? Lautaro Bettoni's rogueish charm carries the movie.

If I Die, It'll Be of Joy (2024)

A sweet documentary about elder gay and lesbian activists in France, which touched upon but did not deeply explore political questions around aging.

Fragments of a Life Loved (2023)

Director Chloe Barreau interviewed all of her exes about their experiences dating her, in a boldly indulgent, candid and unflattering, and at times boring documentary.

Lesvia (2024)

A nostalgic, utopian documentary about lesbian tourism (turned lesbian communalism, lesbian small business ownership, lesbian pastoral retirement) on Lesbos, to the chagrin of certain locals and the delight of others.

Life Is Not a Competition, But I'm Winning (2023)

An excellent title, and an interesting premise, but sadly twenty minutes of research has been stretched to feature length, and the end result is an irritating slog.

VQFF Shorts

I'm highlighting my ten favourites, and then simply listing the rest. They're all worth watching, but this post is already late.

1. Neo Nahda (2023)

Like Desire Lines, this is about archive fever, but with a warmth, tenderness, a greater sensuousness. I really want to see more from May Ziadé.

2. The Sketch / L'esquisse (2023)

Beginning a conversation on the transmasc artist, transfem muse dynamic. Breathtaking animation.

3. Pill Nation / Nação Comprimido (2024)

Brazilian radical cross-generational fantasy with the most memorable characters from the festival.

4. The Robbers (2023)

Three trans girls prepare for a robbery. Really natural, comfortable, deserving of a feature.

5. pîķîwî (2024)

Stunning animation.

6. artist / autist (2024)

Powerful, relatable depiction of sensory overload.

7. RAT! (2024)

Stellar horror-comedy about stan twitter. I think everyone would like it.

8. Good Boy (2024)

Funny, charming, offbeat.

9. Bloomed in the Water (2024)

A subtle, understated, gentle film about parenting gnc/queer kids.

10. Beach Logs Kill (2024)

Surreal high school horror, nostalgic in the vein of I Saw The TV Glow, comedic like Greener Grass, a really exciting, dense short. I hope to see a lot more from Haley Z. Boston.

And please check out the rest, if/when you can:

"Bad Movies"

Attempting to define this pseudogenre is annoying to everyone involved, so I'm going to skip it. I've watched a good number this year, so I'm highlighting them, under three categories.

supremely fun:

Things (1989)

The most a movie has made me laugh in a very long time. The line reads are astonishing. The story is shockingly incoherent. The sound design is pretty cool? weirdly? Please watch this.

Samurai Cop (1991)

The action is hysterical, the performances wooden in the best way, the dialogue riddled with quips that land like lead balloons. Plenty of technical errors, too, for the perverts who love those. Best of all, it never drags.

Roar (1981)

There is nothing else like it. Don't you want to see actors almost get mauled to death by lions, over and over and over, but somehow survive? Moreover, I'm frankly impressed by the editing-- they somehow put together coherent action sequences with what must have been quite the hodgepodge of footage.

Toys (1992)

Debated whether this counts as a "bad movie", because it's competent and entertaining all around. A great soundtrack, fantastic sets, big ideas, funny performances, but an audacious premise that appeals to no one. Incredible.

Crank (2006)

Stunning, visionary aesthetic and a dynamite action premise, with some of the weakest, most hackneyed comedy writing I've ever heard. Jason Statham is a brilliant comedic actor to emerge unscathed.

Too Cool For Christmas (2004)

I miss when made-for-TV christmas movies weren't mass-produced puritanical slop. This thing has personality. Brooke Nevin and Barclay Hope are genuinely funny, while George Hamilton and Michael Gelbart are certainly entertaining. My only regret is that this is the version where the parents are straight.

mid:

Crank 2: High Voltage (2009)

So, so disappointing after the first one.

The Lawnmower Man (1992)

Once the Lawnmower Man gets his powers, especially to... vaporize? people? The CGI gave me the weirdest brain tinglies, a reality disturbance, like they were triggering a psychotic break, or maybe actually killing me.

A Night to Dismember (1983)

Doris Wishman is always worth the watch.

The Hangover Part III (2013), and Joker: Folie a Deux (2024)

Wanted these to be crazier/worse/more fun than they were. They're easy enough watches and they have their moments, but bland overall.

Mistletoe Mixup (2021)

This shit's mormon.

Barbie: A Perfect Christmas (2011)

Delightfully uncanny, but it trends towards being an ordinary children's xmas special. If you're looking for unhinged, Rapsittie Street Kids is still the gold standard.

Feeders 2: Slay Bells (1998)

Great to compare with Things, because this cheap, low-effort monster movie is entirely coherent and competent; these filmmakers know what a movie is. But while that makes it stronger, technically, it's also less interesting than Things.

From Justin to Kelly (2003)

Remember the spring break episode of How To with John Wilson? Just watch that instead.

pain threshold:

Yin Yang Insane (2007)

Bad in a way I've never seen before. Take after take of Z'dar adlibbing the same few lines, over and over, presumably to pad the runtime, which doesn't even break 40 minutes. It's a harrowing reminder of just how vulnerable actors are to their directors. Z'dar got fucked in the edit. To survive as an actor, you either have to work with directors you trust, or leave any ego behind.

Santa with Muscles (1996)

Probably not worth it, but notable because I really, really wanted to turn it off.

Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny (Thumbelina version) (1972)

Infuriating. I'd recommend you skip the hour-long Thumbelina interlude outright. I promise the movie will still piss you off.

Re-watches

Who am I documenting these for? It's just a compulsion. Could anyone be interested to hear that I still like The Notebook as much as I did when I was twelve? How about that Audition is way better than I'd recalled? Body Double is better on a second watch, whereas Snake Eyes had little new to give me? Least of all, here's some surprising news: Mrs. Doubtfire doesn't hold up!

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Top Ten Shorts

I watched a lot of shorts this year, and my greatest wish is that people watch these things. It's way cheaper to make a short than a feature, so there are tons of exciting, bizarre shorts being made by great filmmakers who can't find the funding for longer works. After they go around to festivals, a lot of the time they end up self-published on youtube or vimeo. We should be talking about them! Most are at least as good as a timelapse of someone mowing the lawn.

Borom Sarret (1963)

Watched many of Ousmane Sembène's films this year, and I had a hard time deciding which to highlight. I'm choosing Borom Sarret because it's a great place to start. This was the beginning of Sembène's career as a filmmaker, and he hit the ground running with an immersive, neorealist day-in-the-life at the margins of Dakar. From here, I'd recommend Mandabi, a social satire about a man trying to cash a remittance cheque sent by his nephew, and Ceddo, a historical drama bordering on parable, exploring competing political forces in seventeenth century West Africa.

As If No Misfortune Had Occurred in the Night (2022)

Mahler's Songs on the Death of Children and Palestinian folk song Masha'al are reinterpreted by composer Anthony Sahyoun into a gorgeous, devastating aria, performed by Palestinian soprano Nour Darwish. The film's velvety-rich black and white photography matches the timeless grace of its music. Haunting.

Meeting the Man: James Baldwin in Paris (1970)

A power struggle with the filmmakers reveals Baldwin at his best, and gives this documentary short a much stronger hook than most.

The Music of Regret (2006)

I will never forget this bizarre, poignant piece of puppet theatre.

The Fall of Communism as Seen in Gay Pornography (1998)

Not really an enjoyable watch, but an important piece. William E. Jones' entire body of work interests me (I also read and loved his biography of Boyd McDonald this year), and I need to find more of his stuff.

DL2 (Disintegration Line #2) (1970)

A spectacular piece of psychedelia with a wild score. This gets at something about vision which most cinema obscures, how fragmented and scintillating it is.

Sappho and Jerry: Parts 1-3 (1977-78)

Tremendous practical editing effects. Just amazing to look at.

Neo Nahda (2023), The Sketch (2023), and Pill Nation (2024)

Discussed above.

Top Ten Features

10. The Devils (1971) (111 minute cut)

Of all the Ken Russell pictures I've seen, this is the most perfect use of his talents. I love the flamboyance of Crimes of Passion, the camp piss-taking of Salome's Last Dance, the sincere grandiosity of Savage Messiah, the tongue-in-cheek nihilism of Mahler... But The Devils is a singular cultural achievement, Russell's sensibilities perfectly in tune with the outrageous true story, Derek Jarman's startling production design, a phenomenal performance by Vanessa Redgrave, and all grounded by Oliver Reed's tremendous presence.

9. The People's Joker (2022)

This is the way to make movies. Please, let's all get to work.

8. Tokyo Godfathers (2003)

Miracles are usually the enemy of good storytelling. Christmas movies love a deus ex machina, which always falls far short of magical. Satoshi Kon took the Christmas miracle further than anyone could have imagined, crafting an intricate comedy of coincidences to put the Coen Brothers to shame. Tokyo Godfathers understands that the excitement of miracles isn't that they provide relief to a plot, but that they fall into a delicate, inexplicable web of cause-and-effect, that they're precarious and fragile, and yet somehow they happened.

7. Trouble Every Day (2001)

Claire Denis rakes you over the fucking coals with this one. Oh, you think vampires are sexy? Let's see you smoke a whole pack. Heed: this stars Vincent Gallo, and it's apt casting.

6. Le Bonheur (1965)

Bright pastel colours, flowers in nearly every frame, a young, pretty family, always smiling, always happy. The claustrophobia of toxic positivity, weaponized feel-good discourse taken to extremes. Le Bonheur is either frighteningly nihilistic, or, and I think this is it, trenchant feminist satire.

5. Branded to Kill (1967)

You know when you wake up from a dream, convinced it was exactly like a great action movie, but when you go to explain the plot it falls apart like sand through your fingers? You can find a way to summarize it, but only if you stretch the truth, ignore some aspects, apply logic retroactively where it didn't exist? Branded to Kill is an absurd yakuza film about a man engaged in a hitman-off. Or it's a noir romance about a man with an adorable fetish, who can't handle his new gf's lust for edgeplay. A psychological thriller about a mind devastated by competition, violence, loneliness? I watched it a year ago now, and all I really remember is that it was hypnotic and intoxicating.

4. Scanners (1981)

Everyone involved had nerves of steel to give such prominence and gravity to the human face. Long close-ups of pure acting, the naked performance of psychic phenomena, played big, but totally straight. The effects are spectacular, but fleeting. The actors are rarely given anything to hide behind. It's incredible.

3. Les rendez-vous d'Anna (1978)

The least depressing of the three extremely depressing French films on this list, because it just comes out with it. There's comfort in riding the train with Anna at night, watching the lights go by, suffering through some guy's monologues, pouring your heart out to your mother together, knowing it will hardly help.

2. A Woman Under the Influence (1974)

What if the couple from Possession really loved each other? That's the calibre and intensity of the performances here. A very different point of comparison is The Notebook, with which it shares my favourite trope: a regular guy, here the king of short kings Peter Falk, is totally devoted to his wife, no matter what she's going through. Gena Rowlands, who stars in both, is probably the greatest to ever do it, with unmatched strength, freedom, humour and grace. The relationship in this film is ugly, verging on awful, but they actually try, and keep trying.

1. Good Time (2017)

Dizzying and propulsive, sensitive, sharp, and bleak. The narrowest sliver of hope shines through, but only if you can accept all the wreckage. Robert Pattinson is so hot as your amoral, rogueish older brother who ruins everything.

Tier List: Shorts

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Tier List: Features

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